Things You Are Not Allowed To Do On The Internet

They get better towards the end…

Since its conception, the web has been a concoction of misfits, fraudsters, hackers, B rated  porn directors and you. The popularisation of the web has brought along an equivocally confusing set of legislation that cannot be enforced as PC Smith only uses sites like Facebook to embarrass his children on.

However; that doesn’t mean they don’t stand. Here’s a few things you are doing which are illegal.

Adblocker

A group of publishers are taking the famous plugin Ad-Blocker to court as they believe they are losing millions for their content as force feeding us adverts is the only legal and morally correct way for their income. Prosecutors in Hamburg, Germany are one of many internationally pushing for the criminalisation of such apps, so in time the owning of these plugins or apps will become a punishable crime.

Saving Images From Google, or Any Other Site

Whilst an image is easy to download, and bare no initial dangers; there is no legal disputes about this. Downloading images or videos triggers a string copyright infringements in which legal action can be financial prosecutions as well as prison time. So, next time your 12 year old daughter downloads some lusty images of Justin Gaga or whoever she’s interested in, explain to her the legal rights; and then turn her into your local police station.

Underage Facebook Accounts

If you’re under 13, ruining your life’s not allowed yet. According to their terms and conditions, you must be 13 or older to register an account. However, at 13 there are other pleasures to enjoy, so being forced to accept your awkward aunty’s friend request is a pressure not allowed amongst the pre 13 community.

Uploading copyrighted footage to Youtube

You’re at a music festival. Your favourite band comes on, however you are incredibly intoxicated. You cannot concentrate on the show as you’re partially unconscious from all the drugs you’ve taken, so you take out your phone and record the event. You realise your footage was so dreadfully taken, that you want to upload it on Youtube to annoy people. What you don’t realise that the show you saw is private art that cannot be viewed for free. Apart from the 3,000 to 5,000 people at the show, nobody else is allowed to view the event, so sharing it to your 7 subscribers can be seen as a sort of video-smuggling. Before you upload, think!

Enjoying the dark web

Whilst it may sound harmless to go on the deep web and watch brutal murders, browse numerous illicit drugs for sale, and decide which assassin is cheaper to murder your neighbour, it is illegal. Actually, browsing is okay, fine; purchasing or making accounts with said illicit sites is when the IRA, MI5, MIB and local neighbourhood crime watch arrive at your house and take your children away.

Uploading A “Happy Birthday” Video

On the note of children, on his or her birthday, an attentive parent needs to be on guard. Indeed, whilst it seems baffling to the insane, the Happy Birthday song is copyrighted. So, uploading a video on to Youtube can again get your children taken into care, and prison time again.

Being Rude And Being In China At The Same Time

The Chinese government regulate the online presence and activity throughout the day, 7 times a week. Bad mouthing your friends could be taken as bullying or harassment, to someone you don’t know its perceived as trolling or spamming. Bad mouthing the government is seen as treason which can have repercussions ranging from a fine, to capital punishment. On a serious note however, its always intriguing that this is taken for granted. Something the West enjoys daily can have you in prison or even worse; dead. Food for thought.

eBaying

Another scenario;

Its Christmas. Your extended family arrive to your home with presents. By the time the night ends; you end up with 20 iPhones, all presents. Of course, you won’t need all of them. So, you put them up for sale. Selling at £500 per phone, you end up with £10,000. Surprisingly, the government believe they’re owed around £2,000 of those pennies, and want to see how much you made. If you tell the officers rude words like, “no” you will be punished financially, and possible prison time. Legally, anyone selling on eBay.com must show their earnings yearly for tax purposes.

Poe’s Law

Not to be confused with the law of poetry enshrined by Edgar Allan Poe, the internet Poe’s Law states: “Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humour, it is impossible to create a parody of fundamentalism that someone won’t mistake for the real thing.”

So, you could say something like “I want to kill all people who eat raisins” but if you don’t add a saucy wink or laughing emoji, it becomes illegal. An exemplification

“I loathe and want to deport all unicorn lovers.” Illegal

“I want to murder everyone ;)” Appropriate

In Florida, it is illegal to own a computer or a smartphone.

Florida recently passed a bill to remove all internet cafes, however they accidentally did more than that. The bill was worded so badly that what the law effectively meant that you were not allowed to own or use a computer or smartphone. The idiocy is so strong in this story that I cannot continue to explain it. Thats literally all.

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